She said yes

and the mango grove

disappeared into an apple orchard

She said yes

and summer turned to snow

and the shadows became long memories

She said yes and her every desire

became his “As you wish.”

She said yes

and mountains rose under her feet

rivers and lakes flowed into adventures

She said yes

and offspring were her treasures

She said yes

and walked forward

on the path of a new adventure

I love March. As controversial as daylight savings time has become, I just love all the daylight it forces upon us. I wish I were a morning person, regrettably I am not. But I love enjoying the sun in the early morning and the long afternoons. Another favorite thing about March is that the leaves aren’t out yet and I can sit here at my desk looking out the window watching birds dart across our front yard. Swooping, singing, perching, doing what birds do. And I just wear a stupid smile on my face admiring their ability to sing and fly … their ability to be here and now. Watching them fills me with joy and makes me forget everything else. To them nothing has changed. To them the sun rises and they must live their day.

Similarly, for me, the sun rose and nothing has changed. I still am me. And I don’t have control over my future. I never have. So why worry about tomorrow, about viruses, about closures, about my job…

Today I will “sing and fly” and do what I can here and now. Trusting in God who has always been in control.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”-Mathew 6:26

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”- Philippians 4:6

If you are reading this, I encourage you to turn your thoughts upward, take flight in trusting God, rise in his warmth and love and soar like a bird.

I recently went to a science museum and found myself face to face with some barnacles. I had never been interested in barnacles. But I haven’t stopped thinking about them since this encounter. Barnacles are these hideous looking little crustaceans that live in the ocean. They look like an infected zit from an alien life form. They are sessile- which means they can’t move. They are filter eaters.

The National Science Foundation at the University of California at Berkeley has a study about how barnacles store information and a lot can be learned through the study of their fossil records. Scientists can learn about the waters and distance they have been transported- therefore scientists can also learn more about whales.

Which brings me to the essence of my thoughts. I am like a barnacle, a sessile creature that depends on the water currents of my habitat for sustenance.

In it’s larvae stage, as a cypris, a barnacle has the opportunity to choose where it will live the rest of its existence. There are two choices. Take root in the shallows where the food supply exists and fall prey to the other hungry inhabitants there, being dependent on the ocean currents and waves. Or… it could attach itself to a whale. Then, although it still couldn’t move on its own, it would be able to travel the oceans and go to deep and far away places it could never dream of experiencing and traveling to on its own. It would also gain protection from predators since it would be a moving target. Food would always be provided since the algae they eat lives where the whales also go for their buffet. A whale is capable of carrying a thousand pounds of barnacles on their skin and not be encumbered., so it makes a very good home for a colony of barnacles.

A barnacle permanently fuses itself unto the whale’s skin by secreting a cement that pulls the whale’s skin into the spaces between these cement plates as it hardens. Wherever the whale goes so will the barnacle. It is not a symbiotic relationship it is a commensalistic relationship. The whale doesn’t benefit nor is it harmed by their presence, but for a barnacle this is a cruise of a lifetime!

This Bible verse makes me think of the life of barnacles on whales.

“…just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:6-7)

I choose to be a barnacle making my home on a whale. I strive to fuse myself to it’s skin so I can go where this “whale” goes. Solidly cemented unto Him. Letting my roots grow down into Him. Building my life on Him. Taking every opportunity to filter and glean truth and grow my faith as we swim through deep or shallow waters. I am very grateful to be like a barnacle clinging to God in this vast ocean we call life. I hope that my “fossil” will tell the story of the Whale that carries me.

While you slumber

cozy in your bed,

The sun kisses the trees

casting shades.

The seagulls glide

through the sky

squawking desperately at no one.

The heron, like a statue,

keeps guard over the fish.

The mayflies still

fly in June.

The loon dives for

breakfast onto his reflection.

The dome of the sky

comes alive in hues of light and blues.

A late squadron of geese

descend upon the lake,

As the haughty cormorant

paddles away in disdain

…and the water ripples

with the air

sending plumes of fog

to dissipate like your dreams

as you wake up.

Welp, writing requires time and time seems to slip right by.

So here it is, the second day in a row with not much to say…

I

This evening my husband and I went for a walk in our little city.

For many years I missed out on swimming. Too much work to change into a bathing suit, to shave, to shower, to wash my hair afterwards. Among other things the thought of drippy wet hair on a cold winter day did not appeal to me. Using a hair dryer? Too time consuming and without the proper hair products it turns me into Bob Ross on steroids- a huge ‘fro. The water is too cold or the water has too much chlorine…I had an endless repertoire of reasons why swimming was not for me.

Last year, my head cleared for a minute. Maybe it was my daughter’s wishful plans to do laps in the frigid Pacific ocean as a form of exercise. Maybe it was my husband’s enthusiasm when talking about his workouts and stretches in the pool. So, I bought myself an athletic, functional Speedo suit. I also got a mask, because goggles leave an imprint on my face for days, accentuating the bags under my eyes. So next time I went to the gym I did my regular routine and then without allowing myself any discussion in my head, I threw on my new suit and grabbed my new mask and jumped into the pool. To my surprise, although it was snowing outside, the water felt perfect and the chlorine did not bother my skin, at all!

After about a half hour I was sold. I absolutely love my swim sessions. And I fully regret having limited myself for years. I have been missing out on a fun, low impact form of exercise because of wet hair?! I realized that all my silly excuses of showering, shaving and such were just that- excuses. I was too comfortable being lazy to give myself the opportunity to do something fun.

I regret that swimming has not been the only thing I have made excuses for. I have missed out on other experiences because…Fear? Laziness? Self-preservation?

Recently, I have witnessed someone I know miss out on wonderful opportunities and experiences because of excuses. Its’ too hot, it’s too late, it’s too fancy, it’s too…you name it. The opportunities come and go and that person remains lonely and frustrated, yet they don’t see how it is no one but themselves who are setting the limits to what they can do. To the life they could have. To all that they could offer. Sometimes opting out of things translates into selfishness. Others miss out on what we might have to offer, we miss out on supporting community and family. Self-preservation is a life sucker. Ironically it cheats us out of life. You think you are doing something for your comfort and for your well being, but it actually prevents you from experiencing life.

I am trying to be more deliberate about saying YES. I am trying to step outside my comfort zone, to make selfless decisions, to be brave and try new things.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Live a life of love. Ephesians 5:2

I am a little embarrassed to admit that this is one little thought that occupies real estate in my brain:  Why do women wear makeup and heels and get all dolled up?

I think part of the reason I think about this a lot is that I feel that if I wear make up it is because I need it to cover up the real me, or that the real me is not good enough as is. Yet, I was just watching American Idol and I loved the makeup Katie Perry was wearing.( Her dress could have been longer and her heels shorter for my liking…)

I cannot reconcile these two sides. Natural beauty, comfort, freedom from societal constrictions or impositions, or beautifully made up women dressed to the nines? Should they be mutually exclusive? Does “dolling up” promote objectification of women?

I am not advocating for the grunge look. Although, I can rock it. There is usually, at least, a week in the summer where instead of showers I swim in the lake and only wear a bathing suit, shorts and a hat. Neither am I advocating a Barbie look. Although, I love clothes and shoes and sometimes enjoy dressing up and wearing dresses. Is there a middle ground? Should I even be concerned? Is this even an issue?

Regardless of the answers, I think that we should dress with modesty and with what makes us feel comfortable and respectable (clean and neat) as a general rule. Not to impress or attract…

I better go to sleep ’cause I still need to figure out what to wear to work in the morning.

To the untrained eye this is a common sight in this beautiful state. Another cloudy, sunless day and foggy no less. To me? This sight caused my foot to hit the brakes, tickled my being, made my soul swell, produced a smile on my face and made my eyes leak. It filled me with joy.

I absolutely love rainy days. I love drizzly, cool spring days and for some reason this sight moved me profoundly. I find it hard to explain. It is the realization of several things. I am alive and able to see this beauty. I am free and safe to be driving down a “country” road. Some people pay to come see such sights, I get to live in this beautiful state. The fog is like a cozy blanket enveloping God’s gorgeous creation and me.

The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it- Psalm 24:1

April first, I finally decided to put an end to the parade of sweet junk going into my mouth. For days, more like months, which have added up to years, I wake up with the best intentions. I say to myself even before I get out of bed, “I will not eat sweets today.” And I believe myself. I mean it. That’s my sincere intention. Then I show up to work, and I remember my decision as I lick the crumbs from my lips. Another day failed.

So, April first I was more intentional and made a solid decision to not eat sweets for the whole month of April. It really has to be an all or nothing thing, then the guess work, hesitation, doubts, and slips have no chance of happening. I was even able to very strongly not have a smorgasbord of desserts at Golden Coral. I was not even tempted as my friend ate three different types of chocolaty goodness right across the table from me. As she enjoyed her dessert I recollected how I feel after I savor such wonderful treats. I feel lethargic, achy, cranky, my tongue gets itchy…the only good, wonderful thing is the savoring part.

A while ago I had to attend a Mindfulness training- the only good thing I took away from that was to slow down when you eat and focus on the texture and flavor and the way it feels inside your mouth. It really amps up the experience!

Any way, April. No sweets. 9 dreary days of feeling less pain, more energy. Heck, I finally even lost some weight! And then yesterday happened. It was the “witching hour.” That’s the time after lunch, before three o’clock, on a rainy day, where all my thoughts turn to nap time. But I was happily working with a student in the hallway, innocently minding my own business, when along came my favorite kindergartener smiling down the hall. Her friend helped carry a big bakery box, while she held a big smile on her face. She stopped in front of me. I locked eyes with her and started singing “Happy Birthday.” She smiled wider and then she offered me a choice. Would you like a chocolate chip cookie or an M&M cookie? She was so happy, so eager, I didn’t have the heart to say, “No, I am a boring person who has given up the joy in life and will not celebrate your happy day with you, ’cause I can”t eat sugar this WHOLE LONG month!” So I quickly replaced that with, “Oh, thank you! That’s so sweet of you.” and took a ginormous cookie the size of a plate out of the box. As the birthday girl moved on to her next victim, I broke a piece of the cookie and gave it to my student. Then I set the still huge cookie on top of my backpack and we continued to work. Except that cookie, it kept taunting me, as if it new my resolution, as if it new that chocolate chip cookies are my ultimate favorite kind of sweet. And I kept ignoring it. I could tell it was waiting for me to take some action. We finally ended our work, almost 3 o-clock. I proceeded to wrap that cookie in several paper towels. I put it in my back pack, but when I got to my truck, I pulled it out fearing that crumbs would make a mess in it. So I sat it on my center console. Slowly the paper towels unfurled, revealing crumbs and then I could see the encrusted chocolate chips. It was as if the cookie was flirting with me. Tantalizing. I reached and pinched a little corner and popped it in my mouth. Then another little bite. I made sure to be mindful of the texture and flavors. Soon there was no more cookie. I never stood a chance against that cookie, or the cookie never had a chance against me…

I decided that since I had broken my commitment I could either forget about my commitment and continue to eat sweets for the rest of April or I could put it in the past and forge on continuing to avoid sweets. It’s a struggle. What helped me decide to go back to denying myself sweets is the fact that my tongue started feeling itchy and in truth the cookie was not as delicious as I had remembered. It reminded me that I feel better when I don’t eat sweets and the calories are not worth it. So, I put that slip behind me and I am back to a life without sweets.

Which brings me to thinking about sin. When we live in sin or slip after slip, and decide that since we have messed up it doesn’t matter, I really don’t feel good. I feel remorseful, guilty, burdened. When I go about “eating sinful morsels” I am not the best version of me. Of who God intends for me to be. So I must recognize those “slips,” repent, and persevere.

“Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”-Psalm 34:8